30-Day Challenge: Start Tomorrow!

Greetings everyone! I hope you all had a lovely weekend. I hope it was filled with relaxation for you. Mine was for sure. It was also filled with me lying in my bed pondering what to do for this 30-Day Challenge. I had a few ideas, especially after finally seeing my therapist on Thursday.

There were all sorts of ideas floating through my head. The main question I had to ask myself with them was "Is this something I'm actually going to keep up for a month?" I've tried asserting habits in my life multiple times, but sometimes the ones I actually want don't stick. This is also, of course, due to a simple lack of time. So I had to think of something that I knew I could manage to keep up for a month that didn't take too much time out of my regular routine of things. Meditation came to mind but I didn't know how long that would take, or a guided meditation to bring me into sleep. That latter one would work but the times that I go to bed tend to vary. I could try to go to bed at the same time every night but that would be too big of a change.

Finally, I came up with something right as I sat down in my class, Chromebook at the ready. It has a 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 sort of set up. I use a similar set up for a grounding technique I learned, though this time I'll be using it as a way to keep myself from getting depressed as easily.

Every single day for thirty days, I will have to do this.

• Name 5 things I love about myself

• Name 4 things I love about life

• Take 3 deep breaths in the morning, at lunch, and before I go to bed

• Make at least 2 friends smile and laugh

• And finally, add 1 thing to my bucket list

• And if I can, as a bonus, write an entry about whatever comes to mind on here or Wattpad at the end of the day

(I really want a typewriter though)

I made a bucket list a while ago (and lost it for a short bit of time before I found it buried under my pile of pillows) and found it was a great way to make me look forward to life when I otherwise was filled with thoughts of ending it. Since I finally found it, I've only added a few things then stopped. It now lies waiting to be written in again somewhere in my backpack. Writing a bucket list just gave me a reason to keep thinking of ways to keep going.

From research and advice given to me in years past, naming things you love about yourself can help you be more accepting of yourself, help you learn to love yourself, and help you learn to forgive yourself. Of course, loving myself shouldn't be the only reason I want to be alive, so I want to name some things I love about being alive and life in general from nature to the people in it. 

As for the deep breaths, I tend to be tense most of the time and I can get anxiety all too easily; just not having my phone on me 24/7 gives me anxiety as someone could be messaging me asking for help or my mom could be trying to contact me with news I can't otherwise easily receive. I think about those things. Deep breaths help and as those periods of the day are usually when I find myself most affected by anxiety besides maybe certain class periods, I think overall it'd be helpful if I took those deep breaths.

One of my favorite things to do is make people smile and/or laugh. It's amazing to see their eyes light up when you tell them how important they are or when you tell them a stupid joke. What I feel can sometimes resonate with what someone I'm close to and interacting with feels, especially when they're in a bright and happy mood. So, if they're smiling and laughing, I will be too.

Finally, writing is a good way for me to cope and get things out of my system in a healthy way, besides drawing, so I want to do that too. besides, writing it really fun anyways

Overall, this little challenge is going to help me improve myself. Go ahead and try this for yourself and do it along with me or just do it as you go. I feel as if this will benefit me and the people around me in multiple ways. What are those multiple ways, you ask? I'M GLAD YOU ASKED DEAR READER.

FOR ONE THING, it'll help me cope and be able to utilize healthier ways of calming myself down and keeping calm. My mind can go from lazily thinking, "What did you just say?" to hyper speeding "What happens if this happens? What if this happens? What if they think this? This isn't going to happen, there's no way. I need this in case x happens. Should I bring this or leave it at home? What happens if I do? What happens if I don't? Oh, this will happen if I do and this will happen if I don't!" My mind blows things out of proportion sometimes like that because that's what anxiety does, which can help cause more depression than I'm already affected with, which can cause more anxiety, and then I'm in this circle of despair. SO! This is my way of breaking out of this circle, saying "Screw you circle, I'm going somewhere else." 

This tends to be what the circle of despair would look like. Screw you, circle.

But oh dear Naito, how will this affect the people around you? I am not the only one among my group of friends who tends to resonate with the aura of someone. If I feel happier, more upbeat, and less easily depressed or filled with anxiety, then it'll be easier for my friends to feel better, help me get out of the rut I can get in when I'm depressed, and overall keep a good vibe within the group. Bad vibes can infect a group of friends and tear them apart. Of course, being happy constantly is unhealthy, despite how much it's pushed onto people that they should be happy constantly. However, it is good to get the bad vibes drained out of your body in healthy ways, then bring in good vibes like medicine for a sickness.

I also feel like improving myself in this way might provide an example to friends of mine who are also suffering in their circles of despair so that they might see what I'm doing and try it out. Practicing the items on that list for my 30-Day Challenge would be helpful to others as well in my oh so humble opinion.

I feel like I could add many more things to the list, such as saying "Everything is going to be okay" with my deep breaths, but I feel like there's already enough things to remember doing. Naturally, I'm going to set up reminders on my phone to help me get started until it becomes something I don't need a reminder for. This challenge feels like I'll finally start to be more relaxed.

This is what I wish to attain with this challenge so I can go through my day without constantly feeling worried or like something bad is going to happen. This is me trying to remedy something that I know I can't get rid of entirely. This is me saying "Look here you, wallowing in life is no way to live it, so let's make it worth not wallowing in!"

It's not going to be easy, but I'm going to do this challenge. Improving yourself is not an easy task, but this challenge provides an incentive to do it as not only am I improving myself but I'm doing something I want to do for a class.

woah that's new i actually want to do class now because of this challenge

To any of you who would like to read anything I write on Wattpad instead of on here for that little bonus part of this challenge, you will it here in this work, among writings of my past for when I just had to get something out of my head and into text or on paper. I'll update on how the challenge is going every now and then.

Thank you for reading and peace out.